100+ really morbid jokes for the lovers of edgy dark humour
Sensitive topics can be challenging to joke about. While many throw these tough conversations under the rug, it can be healthy to confront them. And morbid jokes are a perfect way for people to bring up taboo topics in a light way.
Source: UGC
Dark humour jokes are not for everyone. Some people are easily offended and would not appreciate others making fun of sensitive topics. Therefore, these 100+ funny quotes have to be used discerningly.
Really dark jokes about terminal illness and death
The impending death of a loved one can be hard to deal with. These funny dark jokes and puns will lighten the mood and let the sick focus on something else, even briefly.
- Dark humour is like a child with cancer; it never gets old.
- What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer? There is no stage 5.
- Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
- What's the most challenging part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
- I thought opening the door for a lady was being a gentleman, but she just screamed and went flying out of the plane.
- Don't make 9/11 jokes. They're just plane wrong.
- Did you know that Anne Frank was gay? She never got the chance to come out of the closet.
- What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
- Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
- When I die, I want to go how my grandfather died, peacefully in his sleep—not screaming like the passengers in his car.
- At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
- My mother died when we couldn't remember her blood type. She repeatedly told us to be positive, but it's hard without her.
- What does the cannibal call a pregnant woman? A meal deal.
- What is a terrorist's biggest fear? Dying alone.
Source: UGC
- Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
- My grandfather was complaining about how kids nowadays cannot live without technology. So I unplugged his life support.
- I saw my mom chopping onions today, so I started crying. Onions was a good dog.
- I want to thank Covid 19 for making me the youngest millionaire. I got to collect my inheritance early.
- My girlfriend left me because I work in a mortuary. Now she's dead. Guess who's dying to see me.
- After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of. It's in my basement.
- My therapist said I should write letters to people who've wronged me and burn them. Done, but what do I do with the letters?
- My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandpa. That is, until my mom took the urn away.
- My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her an identical one. She screamed, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
- Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
- What did the cops find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower? Head and Shoulders.
- Pixar has finally made a movie for kids with cancer. It's called Finding Chemo.
- Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals? Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
- Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
- My grandmother asked me if I'd visit her after she left the hospital. I said no, I don't like going to graveyards.
- Where did Lucy go after the bombing? Everywhere.
- My ex-girlfriend was recently in a car accident. I told the doctor the wrong blood type. Now she'll truly know what rejection feels like.
- Wives are like grenades. If you pull the ring, the house is gone.
- Why was the anti-vaxxer's four-year-old kid stressed? He was having a midlife crisis.
- New Yorkers are the fastest readers in the world. In 2001, they went through 97 stories in 5 seconds.
- What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer.
Darkest jokes about orphans and adopted kids
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Admittedly, there is nothing funny about being an orphan. It can be sad and lonely, and they miss their parents. Therefore, even the best orphan jokes can go wrong if told to the wrong audience. Still, these morbid jokes will crack you up.
- Why do orphans like playing tennis so much? Because it's the only way, they'll ever get love.
- What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree? The apples get picked.
- What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
- What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
- Why did the orphan rob a bank? To be wanted.
- What’s the difference between a baseball player and my dad? Only one runs home.
- What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time
- Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
- What is an orphan’s least favourite song? We are Family.
Edgy jokes about racial discrimination
Source: UGC
Even in the 21st century, many people still face racial discrimination. These jokes can help identify a racist friend in your group depending on their answer. And while racism may not be funny, these dark jokes about it can help make light of the struggle.
- What's an Arab's first move in chess? C4.
- What's the difference between a black guy and a model? A model volunteers to get shot.
- My Chinese friend died last week. So Yung.
- What do you call a blind German? A not-see.
- Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa? Because they make the toys.
- What’s the difference between Americans and computers? Americans don’t have trouble shooting.
- Why are Americans so good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a history of separating colours.
- The joke was so dark that an American cop almost shot it.
- That joke is so dark that it's picking cotton in Alabama.
- What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt? Bolt can actually finish a race.
- What do you call a swimming Muslim? A bath bomb.
- The most popular game in Africa is called the hunger games.
- Did you know Germany came up with sparkling water? I mean, who else would think of adding gas?
- Who had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
- Why did the slave go to college? To get his master's degree.
- A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW's exhaust, but the engine failed. That's the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
- Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
- Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
- What do you call a bunch of white people sitting on a bench? The NBA.
- My kidnapper only brought one bag to dispose of my body. Unlike the mean girls, at least he thinks I'm skinny.
- Why are people in Japan so thin? Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
- Why does Batman cover only half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
Darkest jokes that are borderline offensive
Source: UGC
Part of the allure of dark jokes is their potential to offend the audience. So what's the difference between good and bad dark humour jokes? The execution.
- Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two, and now it's a sensitive subject.
- What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? The special forces.
- I just took my plan B with Red Bull. That baby is going to get its wings one way or another.
- When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
- How do you surprise a blind kid? You leave a plunger in the toilet.
- What is a necrophiliac's safe word? I'm alive.
- Why did God make man before woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea (see) food.
- What's the most challenging part about sleeping with a blind woman? Matching her husband's voice.
- What do you call a bi-person on fire? LGBBQ.
- Dark humour is like food; not everybody gets it.
- What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
- Why didn't the guy in the wheelchair enjoy the show? Because it was stand-up comedy.
- I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
- I told a guy in a wheelchair being bullied to stand up for himself. He couldn’t stand my advice.
- How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
- What's the difference between Manchester United and a tea bag? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer.
- What's a kidnapper's favourite shoe? White vans.
- Don't break somebody's heart; they only have one. Break their bones instead; they have 206.
- I never understood school shooting jokes. They must be aimed at younger audiences.
- What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.
- Any joke can be funny with the proper delivery. Except for jokes about terminating a pregnancy because there is no delivery.
- On average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys. This is partially because most humans don't like the taste of monkeys.
- My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realised she has dyslexia.
- What has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people.
- I started a business selling landmines disguised as praying mats. Business is booming.
- If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.
- A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she's seeing someone. It's either terrible news or great news.
- How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture in the house.
- How do you donate money to terrorists? Just pay your taxes.
- What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama? The last name after marriage.
- What's black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
- What do you call a pirate that urinates on people? ARR Kelly.
- My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
- I asked Siri why I was single. She responded by opening my front camera.
Many people would consider dark humour disgusting and insensitive. However, lovers of edgy humour know that morbid jokes can be cathartic. Additionally, the best dark puns require the audience to be smart enough to grasp them.
READ ALSO: 50+ clean Little Johnny's jokes for people of all ages to enjoy
Legit.ng recently published a list of clean Little Johnny's jokes. Little Johnny is a fictional little boy who asks difficult questions.
Little Johnny jokes usually take the format of a little boy asking a question or giving a strange answer to a question. These jokes are used to show adults how absurd kids can be. They also show how sweet innocent children can inadvertently embarrass adults since they don't know better.
Source: Legit.ng
