100+ funny dark jokes and puns that will definitely crack you up
Dark humor jokes are best when discussing sensitive subjects. It is taboo to openly talk about some issues in the community, especially in public places or platforms. However, comedians have found a way to pass across vital messages about prohibited topics using funny dark jokes and puns.
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We live in an angry world despite comedy being a surefire way of lighting people up, helping them relax and let go of their cares. While dark humor and jokes might be intentionally offensive, they are a great way of debriefing. We allow stress to melt away by sitting in an audience and listening to someone reel off edgy puns regardless of how they rub us off.
Best dark humor jokes and puns
Humor is subjective because what some people find hilarious is boring to others. However, when it comes to laughter, one style is looked up to with far more disdain than others. Nonetheless, most people wish they had dark humor.
Offensive jokes
If you consider yourself as someone with a dark sense of humor but usually worry about how to crack your sensitive jokes without hurting people's emotions, check the online samples listed below to find out how to use funny dark puns without necessarily offending anyone:
- If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
- My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
- My wife left a note on the fridge, "this is not working," but the fridge is working fine.
- My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
- Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.
- I bought my blind sister a cheese grater for her birthday. She later told me it was the most violent book she had ever read.
- Welcome to plastic surgery. Nice to see so many new faces.
- S*ex is like air. It only matters if you are not getting any.
- Stop poaching elephants. Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.
- A man thought he was going to die when the doctor told him, "you'll be at peace soon." The doctor meant the man's wife was dying.
- A husband returns from work and finds his wife watching the Food Network. He asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch p*rn? You still can't f*ck."
- What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.
- What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
- A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes from her black clothes, complaining, "I cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"
- My grief counsellor died. He was so good; I didn't even care.
Dark dad jokes
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Dads are caring, protective, providers, a shoulder to lean on, and more. They also teach you many things, from changing car tires to riding bikes. Here are some hilarious dark humor dad jokes to share with family members or your father:
- Do you know why I hate The Lion King song “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King”? If you think about it, it could be called “I Just Can’t Wait for My Dad to Be Killed in a Stampede.”
- When two vegan parents get into an argument, is it still called beef?
- I'll never forget my dad's last words, "erase my search history, son."
- Fathers take an extra pair of socks to golf in case they get a hole-in-one.
- Dad, do you remember asking me yesterday why I scored so low on the Math test? The boy who sits next to me was absent on the day we sat for that exam.
- A teacher asked students to use "beans" in a sentence. A girl said, "my father grows beans." A boy said, "my mother cooks beans." said a boy. The third student said, "we are all human beans."
- A father scolded his son for thundering down the stairs and sent him back to walk down the stairs in a civilized manner. He never saw the boy silently slide down the bannister.
- A boy proudly told his dad that he almost scored 100 in every subject. The questions didn't give him any trouble, just the answers!
Black jokes
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Comedians use these dark racial jokes to sensitive the world about racial profiling. Most racial jokes are funny when someone roasts their race because they come off as inside jokes for that race. A comedian from another race might probably receive a backlash for joking about another race. Here are some really dark jokes about races.
- I am not racist, but I like a good (racist) joke. It is good to make fun of myself.
- Mexico does not have an Olympic team because everybody can run, jump, and swim into the US.
- Adam and Eve were wondering whether they were Black or White. So Adam went into the garden of Eden and shouted, "God are we Black or White?" A booming voice bellowed, "YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE." He went back to Eve and told her they were White. Eve asked, "How do you know?" Adam replied, "He said, "YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE". If we were Black, he would have said, "YOU IS WHAT YOU IS."
- A Black, White and Mexican guy find a genie's lamp and rub it. The genie appears and asks the Black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Black guy goes, "I wish to return with my people to Africa, happy and me and everything." The genie grants him his wish. The Mexican goes, "I wish to return with my people to Mexico, happy and everything." He also gets his wish. The genie goes to the White guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The man asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes." So the white guy goes, "I'll have a Coke."
Morbid jokes
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You can sensitive masses about a health condition or disease affecting a population by making jokes about them. Here are some rib-cracking morbid jokes about diseases:
- If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
- What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
- Why is it that skinny men like fat women? Because they need warmth in winter and shade in summer.
- What's green and eats meat? Syphilis.
- I cannot believe there's no cure for obesity yet. I thought it would be a walk in the park.
- Yesterday I was at a Weight Watchers party, but nobody mentioned obesity. There were just too many elephants in the room.
- Obesity doesn't run in the family. If they ran, they wouldn't be fat.
- After years of drinking, I admit alcohol cures obesity and bad looks. Not in me, but in people I look at.
- What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies? Twobearculosis.
- What do you call a disease with many followers? Influenza.
Funny dark jokes
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If you are discussing a matter deemed abominable, consider using dark humor. It takes a certain level of understanding to get dark jokes. Here are a few examples to consider. This list provides the most palatable dark humor jokes.
- My wife and I unanimously concluded not to have children. We need the contact details of people who want to adopt kids.
- A blind woman tells her boyfriend she is seeing someone. It is either terrible or great news.
- Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
- One man's trash is another man's treasure, a wonderful saying, a horrible way to find out you were adopted.
- So I went to my friend's house, and he asked me to be at home. So, I took matters into my own hands in my usual style and had him thrown out. I do not like visitors after all.
- My wife asked me to pass her lipstick the other day, but I handed her a glue stick. It happens that she has decided not to talk to me even now.
- I knocked at my granny's house, and she asked who I was. I guess Alzheimer's got the best of her.
- I have thought about it long enough, and my conclusion is that I have had enough of being an adult.
- It is always a mixed reaction; when I see a bird fly, I get jealous; when I see it fly into a window, I laugh my heart out.
- I got a new definition for many White guys seated on a bench, NBA.
- Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hilary Clinton? The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
- Give a man a match, and he will be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
- I would tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
- In 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I am telling you this now because no social media existed in the '80s.
- What do you do if a gang of clowns ever attacks you? Go for the juggler.
Hilarious dark humor puns
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The reality of some of the darkest jokes in the world is that not everyone gets it. This makes these funny jokes intelligent and a preserve for a few. You have to be intelligent to get the pun. Here are a few more examples.
- A dark joke is like food; not many people get it.
- What do you call a White girl that can run faster than her brothers? The redneck spinster.
- What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
- I wish the grass on my back lawn were emo. Then it would cut itself.
- As I do more laundry, nakedness seems more realistic.
- Girlhood is like a bubble; all it takes is one little idiot, and it is gone.
- A man went into a library and asked for a book on killing yourself. The librarian said: "F**k off. You will not bring it back."
- A Jew with a boner runs into a wall; what does he break? His nose.
- As recent research suggests, humans indeed eat more bananas than monkeys. I agree because I can't remember when I last enjoyed eating a monkey.
- Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
- Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
- The day could not have gotten any worse. My ex-girlfriend was run down by a bus and what followed was me losing my job as the bus driver.
- I never needed unstable relationships to teach me about broken relationship vices; my parents were perfect examples.
- Funny how a man gave up s*x, controlled substances, alcohol and expensive food to be healthy. This only lasted up to the time he killed himself.
- You get yourself a rope when you enter into a relationship.
Really dark jokes
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If you wish to showcase how well you master dark humor, these are the options you could consider. Before cracking one, you should note that the best dark humor jokes you can add to your repertoire are guaranteed to turn any conversation instantly awkward. These are some funny dark humor puns and jokes you could share with your mates:
- The easiest way to know you are ugly is when you are handed the camera every time there is a group photo.
- If you want to stop an argument between deaf people, be fast and switch off the lights. Case ended!
- It was a bitter-sweet end for me as I won the bet after my friend drowned in the lake.
- My boss farted in front of a Jewish client, "A little gas never killed anybody."
- After asking my psychiatrist for it, I got a second opinion after he said I was crazy. He said I was ugly too.
- Only the holocaust beats finding a worm in your apple.
- Having a mind that is considered dirty makes conversations far more interesting.
- You will learn that the only difference between a gun and a rope is the duration one takes to make a knot with either.
- My drinking problem is that I cannot afford it.
- Blow something up when you are in doubt.
- Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
- The day could not have gotten any worse. My ex-girlfriend was run down by a bus, and I lost my job as the bus driver.
- I never needed unstable relationships to teach me about broken relationship vices; my parents were perfect examples.
- Funny how a man gave up s*x, controlled substances, alcohol and expensive food to be healthy. It only lasted up to the time he killed himself.
- You get yourself a rope when you enter into a relationship.
- Orphans play baseball best because they have no idea where home is.
Very dark humor jokes
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You could go ham on it if you do not care much about moderating your dark humor and jokes. This collection of very dark jokes could make the people around you giggle. However, they cross moral lines and might come out as offensive.
- I remember all the people I lost as I grew older. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
- I will never forget my grandfather's last words to me before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?"
- "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" the patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The patient panicked. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we are not there yet," the doctor said.
- My friend said that it would be his own accord if he went off a cliff. It is a good thing he drives a Civic.
- A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
- "I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What is the bad news?" "I have been trying to reach you for two days."
- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
- "I am sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
- I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.'
- Did you know that your beautiful cats have nine lives? It makes them ideal for experimentation.
- It is better to be loved than feared, but if you cannot be loved, then fear will do.
- When in doubt, blow something up.
- My girlfriend’s pet dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
- The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
- They say there is a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Dark humor jokes no limits
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You could play with words to create funny, dark jokes if you are quintessentially sarcastic. These are some of the examples you could consider. They are mildly offensive but funny.
- When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I do not find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- Never break someone’s heart; they only have one. Break bones instead because they have 206 of them.
- Today I decided to visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I felt nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
- My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- My elderly relatives would tease me at weddings, saying, "You will be next!" They soon once I began doing the same to them at funerals.
- My grandfather says I am too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
- Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
- Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend is not breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
- The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
- My dad died when we could not remember his blood type. As he died, he insisted that we “be positive,” but it is hard without him.
- My wife told me she would slam my head on the keyboard if I did not get off the computer. I am not worried; I think she is jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
- "What is your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real fool."
- What is a pirate’s favourite letter of the alphabet? None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate.
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
- What is the difference between jelly and jam? You cannot jelly a clown into the tiny car.
- It is crucial to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive.
If you tend to feel cheesy, these corny and funny dark humor jokes could make everyone laugh while they roll their eyes. However, you should evaluate the people you are telling the puns too. You do not want to crack a dark humor joke to a sensitive audience and cause strife instead.
DISCLAIMER: This article is for general informational purposes only and does not address individual circumstances. It is not a substitute for professional advice or help and should not be relied on to make decisions. Any action you take upon the information presented in this article is strictly at your own risk and responsibility!
READ ALSO: Top 30 funny text messages you can send to your friends
Legit.ng also published funny messages you can send your friends. Apart from taking your friendship to the next level, they are the perfect way to keep the flame burning.
If you find it challenging to start a conversation with your friends, sharing a funny text would do. This list provides the best ways you could package the jokes.
Source: Legit.ng