100+ funny doctor jokes that will surely tickle your funny bone

100+ funny doctor jokes that will surely tickle your funny bone

Doctors, undoubtedly, play an important role in society. They are trained to diagnose, treat, and prevent the spread of diseases. Thus, doctor jokes are relatable to anyone. They are real knee-slappers, and they even get better when they are shared.

Doctor jokes
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At times, telling jokes is the most impressive thing you can do to kill boredom. If you are looking for something hilarious to share with your family and friends, below is a collection of doctor jokes you can share to brighten their moods.

Funny doctor jokes

Doctor Jokes are a sure way of cheering someone, helping them to relax and let go of their stress. Here is a list of funny doctor jokes for you to share with your co-worker or friend who works in the field of medicine.

  • I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.
  • When a doctor doesn't actually put the stethoscope in his ears, you know he graduated from an off-shore medical school.
  • My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely mom. Useless surgeon.
  • Thanks to their poor handwriting. You can never tell what doctors are protesting.
  • I am sorry I cant help you, Billy. I'm a family doctor and you are just an orphan.
  • Doctor: I have good news and bad news. First, I'm am afraid your husband is dying.

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Woman: Great! so what is the bad news?

  • Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer.

Doctor: Wow, that's a coincidence.

  • Patient: Doctor, what happens if we die?

Doctor: Well, we change the bed sheets and admit a new patient.

  • Eye doctor: Your test results just came back.

Patient: Can I see them?

Doctor: No. That's the problem.

  • Q: Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?

A: The nearest golf course.

  • Q: Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?

A: He kept seeing spots.

  • Doctor: Relax, Bob. It is just a routine procedure. Don't panic.

Patient: Doctor, my name's not Bob.

Doctor: I know. I'm Bob.

  • Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat a birthday cake.

Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.

  • Patient: Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter.

Doctor: I’m so sorry; I don’t follow.

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  • Q: Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?

A: So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.

  • Doctor: Take one of these pills everyday for the rest of your life.

Patient: But there are only a few pills in that bottle.

Doctor: Exactly.

  • Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?

A: Only if you aim it well enough.

  • Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.

Patient: Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!

  • Secretary: Doctor, there’s a patient on line one who says he’s invisible.

Doctor: Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.

  • Patient: Doctor, I've swallowed a spoon.

Doctor: Sit down and don't stir.

  • Q: Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?

A: Because he found the x-ray humerus.

  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?

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Doctor: Yes, of course...

Patient: Great! I never could before!

  • Q: Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?

A: I find that very hard to believe!

  • Patient: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.

Doctor: Then answer the phone!

  • Q: What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?

A: Are you seeing any change in me?

  • Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?

A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!

  • Q: When does a doctor get mad?

A: When he runs out of patients!

  • Doctor: I’ve got very bad news. You’ve got the flu and Alzheimer’s.

Patient: Well, at least I don’t have the flu.

  • Q: What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?

A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

  • Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?

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Doctor: I never make rash promises.

Doctor puns

Doctor dad jokes
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Source: UGC

Take a look at the following relatable doctor puns. You can also share them with your loved ones if they are in the medical field.

  • What did the doctor say to the sick apple? We'll get to the core of this.
  • A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money. Rumour has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island.
  • Who are the only people who don't like doctor puns? People with an irony deficiency.
  • What did the doctor say to the pack of cards? I'll deal with you later.
  • My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
  • Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colour-blind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
  • My dermatologist was fired today. I’m told he made too many rash decisions.
  • The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
  • I went to the doctor, and he said I had acute appendicitis and I said compared to who?
  • When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. 
  • Why did the cell phone go see an eye doctor? Because it needed some new contacts.
  • Why did the doctor's appointment with the centipede take so long? Because he sprained his ankles.
  • The new doctor is a real people person, have you met Dr. Hugh Manatee?
  • A guy made so many rash decisions he decided to become a dermatologist.

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Funny medical jokes

Funny doctor jokes
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Source: UGC

Jokes have long been employed in the comedy genre to provide a fantastic source of amusement. If you have a friend or colleague who works in medicine, tell them some of these funny medical jokes to keep them laughing!

  • I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.
  • If you steal someone’s heart, do you get cardiac arrested?
  • I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!
  • A little joke when you're sick never hurt antibody.
  • What is the medical name for owning too many dogs? A roverdose.
  • The saying, 'There's more pleasure in giving than in receiving,' applies chiefly to advice... and medicine.
  • The infectious diseases ward of the hospital has the best Wi-Fi because of all of the hotspots.
  • The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  • What did the bladders say to each other on Valentines Day? Urine my thoughts.
  • I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal conditions, but someone had taken the appendix out.
  • Conjunctivitis.com — that's a site for sore eyes.
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  • I have some good news and some bad news. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow.
  • I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
  • You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.
  • Where do medical students go to study? The hippocampus.
  • I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.
  • What do you call a fish with a medical degree? A sturgeon.
  • The medical examiners were told to reduce their spending, so they had to cut coroners.

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Doctor jokes for adults

Doctor jokes for adults
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Source: UGC

Everyone needs a smile amid adversity, and these hilarious doctor jokes for adults will quickly lift their spirits, liven up their emotions, and make them laugh.

  • My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
  • My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day, so I told him I'd start lying to my wife.
  • Man: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Man: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

  • Doctor: Here is a Brochure for your condition

Patient: But this is a brochure for a funeral home

Doctor: Exactly

  • The last thing you want to hear during your prostate exam is your doctor saying 'Look! No hands!'
  • Doctor: I'm afraid you are going to have to stop masturbating.

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Patient: But why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.

  • Woman: Doctor, my husband wants to have s*x all the time. Is there something you can give him for that?

Doctor: Sure, my phone number.

  • Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.

Wife: And did he?

Husband: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.

  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I’m going to die in 59 seconds!

Doctor: Hang on, I’ll be there in a minute.

  • Woman: My husband swallowed an Aspirin by mistake. What should I do now?

Doctor: Give him a headache now; what else!

  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!

Doctor: When did that happen?

Patient: When did what happen?

  • Q: Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?

A: The hip consultant.

  • I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
  • Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?

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Doctor: Use a pencil until I come to see him.

  • Q: Why is a doctor always calm?

A: They have a lot of patients.

  • After a long debate with my Wife, I decided that we won’t vaccinate our kids. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us.

Doctor jokes one-liners

Doctor puns
Photo: pexels.com, @timmossholder (modified by author)
Source: UGC

These one-liners doctor jokes are easy to remember. They are short and precise, making them an excellent choice for many.

  • I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
  • Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since.
  • They tried to save him with an IV, but it was all in vein.
  • I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute. I had no words.
  • I played hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
  • I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. She told me to stop going to those places.
  • I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. But I stand corrected.
  • Doctors ask you where it hurts but then put pressure on it.
  • Dr.s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.

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Doctor jokes for kids

Doctor jokes for kids
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Source: UGC

Doctor puns are a great option for up-and-coming scientists and can introduce children to medical terms in a silly way.

  • Q: Why didn’t Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?

A: Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

  • Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?

A: He wasn’t peeling well.

  • Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?

A: It thought it had a terminal illness.

  • Q: Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?

A: He had low elf esteem.

  • Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

A: He was feeling really crumbie!

  • Doctor: Tell your father I said hi.

Boy: But my dad died last year.

Doctor: I know

  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!

Doctor: Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.

  • Q: Why did the robot go to the doctor?

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A: She had a virus!

  • Q: Why did the mattress go to the doctor?

A: It had spring fever.

  • Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?

A: He was feeling all stuffed up!

  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.

Doctor: Don’t get yourself in a stew.

  • Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?

A: To get his teeth crowned!

  • Q: Why did the rope go to the doctor?

A: It had a knot in its stomach.

  • Q: What did the balloon say to the doctor?

A: I feel light-headed.

  • Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?

A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!

  • Q: Where do sick boats go to get healthy?

A: To the dock!

  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.

Doctor: How long have you felt like this?

Patient: Since I was a puppy.

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After a long, stressful day of practicing medicine, there’s nothing like some good doctor jokes to tickle your funny bone. The above funny doctor jokes are ideal for all age groups.

READ ALSO: 70+ funny Harry Potter jokes that will turn you into a howler

Legit.ng recently published 70+ funny Harry Potter jokes that will turn you into a howler. Harry Potter is a notable series of seven fantasy novels written by British author J. K. Rowling. If you like the Harry Potter series, you have most likely noticed the hilarious Harry Potter jokes inspired by Rowling’s famous books.

Harry Potter movies and books are fantastic stories that are enjoyed by many children and adults today. Check out this collection of Harry Potter jokes that will definitely make you laugh out loud.

Source: Legit.ng

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