50+ ridiculously bad puns that are just absolutely tearrible

50+ ridiculously bad puns that are just absolutely tearrible

All puns are undeniably cheesy, and this is what makes them so funny. If you need a laugh (like everyone does in these trying times), then check out our list of bad puns that are so bad they’re actually good.

really bad puns
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Here are some bad pun jokes that will crack you up.

Ridiculously bad puns

These tearable puns will definitely satisfy your craving for cheesy humour:

  • Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? A. It had too many sleepless knights.
  • A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That's ridiculous. My dogs don't even own bikes!
  • Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
  • I'm no cheetah…you're lion!
  • I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii."
bad puns
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  • Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
  • The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!
  • My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn't remember his blood type… His last words to us were, "Be positive!"
  • Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended.
  • What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
  • Never date someone cross-eyed… You'll always catch them seeing other people on the side!
  • All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up.
  • Why can't you run through a campground? A. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
  • Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is.
  • I'm only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y.
  • What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A. A dino-snore.
  • I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came… And then it hit me!
  • Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend? A. They're both cauld ron.

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really bad puns
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  • Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
  • One lung said to another…we be-lung together!
  • Want to hear something terrible? Paper. See? I told you it was tear-able.
  • Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash? He's all right now!
  • Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
  • My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?" I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"
  • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!
  • A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
  • Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!
  • Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
  • My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghetti… You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!

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Top 20 dad puns that are just too cheesy for life

Here are some of the worst puns ever made- they are so bad that they actually become good.

  • The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
  • An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
  • What did the hamburger name it's baby? Patty!
  • Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.
  • I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
  • 6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
  • You really shouldn't be intimidated by advanced math…it's easy as pi!
cheesy puns
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  • I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
  • I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  • That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
  • Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.
  • My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
  • Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
  • How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  • My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
  • I once met a pig that did karate…we called him Pork Chop!
  • My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me…I think she's just being clothes-minded!
  • Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
  • What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

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Terrible puns that are actually funny

These stupid puns will make you think “What?” just before you crack up.

  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
  • So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?? It’s not the end of the world!
  • I got some shoes from my drug dealer recently, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
  • My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
worst puns
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  • What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
  • A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
  • Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
  • A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3. He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
  • My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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Horrible puns that are so bad that they are actually good

Here are more corny puns:

  • Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  • Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  • Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
  • My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel. She’s a dominatwix.
  • My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
dad puns
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  • What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.
  • I lost my watch at a party. When I went looking for it, I saw some guy stepping on it while harassing a girl. So I walked up to the dude and punched him straight in the nose because no one does that to a girl… Not on my watch!
  • Beer may not make you smart, Budweiser.
  • Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his Pixar collection DVDs but he will never give you up.
  • A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

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10 awful puns that will get you laughing

Check out these cheesy puns:

  • I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
  • Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
  • Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!
  • I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic.
  • What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  • Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
  • Can February March? No, but April May.

10 really bad puns

Enjoy these terrible puns that have no business being so funny:

  • Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
  • The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.
  • I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!
  • Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.
  • Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.

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stupid puns
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  • It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
  • Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
  • Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
  • My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here.
  • I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

Did you enjoy reading this list of really bad puns? Which ones did you like the most? Let us know in the comment section below.

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From the likes of "Everything is A-Bouquet" to "I hope your bonesets quickly", this list contains all the best bloom puns ever created.

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