50+ ridiculously bad puns that are just absolutely tearrible
8 min read
All puns are undeniably cheesy, and this is what makes them so funny. If you need a laugh (like everyone does in these trying times), then check out our list of bad puns that are so bad they’re actually good.
Source: UGC
Here are some bad pun jokes that will crack you up.
Ridiculously bad puns
These tearable puns will definitely satisfy your craving for cheesy humour:
- Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? A. It had too many sleepless knights.
- A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That's ridiculous. My dogs don't even own bikes!
- Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
- I'm no cheetah…you're lion!
- I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii."
Source: UGC
- Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
- The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!
- My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn't remember his blood type… His last words to us were, "Be positive!"
- Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended.
- What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
- Never date someone cross-eyed… You'll always catch them seeing other people on the side!
- All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up.
- Why can't you run through a campground? A. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
- Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is.
- I'm only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y.
- What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A. A dino-snore.
- I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came… And then it hit me!
- Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend? A. They're both cauld ron.
Source: UGC
- Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
- One lung said to another…we be-lung together!
- Want to hear something terrible? Paper. See? I told you it was tear-able.
- Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash? He's all right now!
- Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
- My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?" I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!
- A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
- Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!
- Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
- My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghetti… You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!
Top 20 dad puns that are just too cheesy for life
Here are some of the worst puns ever made- they are so bad that they actually become good.
- The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
- An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
- What did the hamburger name it's baby? Patty!
- Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.
- I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
- 6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
- You really shouldn't be intimidated by advanced math…it's easy as pi!
Source: UGC
- I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
- I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
- Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.
- My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
- Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
- How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
- My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
- I once met a pig that did karate…we called him Pork Chop!
- My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me…I think she's just being clothes-minded!
- Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
- What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"
Terrible puns that are actually funny
These stupid puns will make you think “What?” just before you crack up.
- Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
- So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?? It’s not the end of the world!
- I got some shoes from my drug dealer recently, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
- My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Source: UGC
- What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
- A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
- Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
- A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3. He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
- My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Horrible puns that are so bad that they are actually good
Here are more corny puns:
- Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
- Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
- Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel. She’s a dominatwix.
- My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
Source: UGC
- What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.
- I lost my watch at a party. When I went looking for it, I saw some guy stepping on it while harassing a girl. So I walked up to the dude and punched him straight in the nose because no one does that to a girl… Not on my watch!
- Beer may not make you smart, Budweiser.
- Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his Pixar collection DVDs but he will never give you up.
- A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
10 awful puns that will get you laughing
Check out these cheesy puns:
- I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
- Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
- Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!
- I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic.
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
10 really bad puns
Enjoy these terrible puns that have no business being so funny:
- Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
- The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.
- I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!
- Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.
- Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.
Source: UGC
- It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
- Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
- Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
- My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here.
- I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
Did you enjoy reading this list of really bad puns? Which ones did you like the most? Let us know in the comment section below.
READ ALSO: 50+ awesome flower puns that will most definitely grow on you
Legit.ng recently compiled a list of the funniest flower puns of all time. This awesome collection of flower puns will keep you occupied with laughter.
From the likes of "Everything is A-Bouquet" to "I hope your bonesets quickly", this list contains all the best bloom puns ever created.
Source: Legit.ng
