Rethinking Shame: Why Women Leaving Abusive Marriages Deserve Support, by Lady Jane Kalu Ndukwe
Editor’s note: In this piece, Lady Jane Kalu Ndukwe reflects on the societal shame women face when leaving abusive marriages—a conversation made urgent by the tragic case of Osinachi Nwachukwu, whose husband, Peter Nwachukwu, was recently sentenced to death for her murder. She argues for empathy over judgment and calls for stronger support systems to empower survivors to choose life over silence.
The societal stigma attached to a woman choosing to leave an abusive marriage is one of the greatest injustices of our time. Instead of finding refuge and understanding, many women are met with judgment, condemnation, and exclusion. This harmful attitude has led many to remain in toxic relationships, choosing silence over safety, and fear over freedom. In tragic cases, such as that of the late gospel singer Osinachi Nwachukwu, the result has been fatal.
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It is crucial to emphasise that a woman who finds the courage to walk away from abuse should not be further victimised by the society she turns to for solace. Rather than shaming her, we should surround her with empathy, support, and the tools she needs to heal. She deserves access to counselling, safe housing, economic empowerment programmes, and legal protection, not only for her recovery but to enable her to care for her children with dignity and renewed strength.
We must acknowledge the devastating emotional, psychological, and financial toll that abuse inflicts on women and their children. An abused woman often loses her sense of identity, her voice, and her will to live. If society pressures her to stay until her breaking point, we risk not only her death but the long-term trauma and suffering of her children. Too often, children left behind are subjected to neglect, exploitation, and maltreatment, particularly when they fall into the hands of unsympathetic relatives or a hostile step-parent.
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Leaving a marriage to save one’s life should never be a source of shame. Instead, it should be seen as an act of courage and self-preservation. We must foster a culture where women are empowered to make decisions in their best interest, without the weight of cultural guilt or religious misinterpretation. Protecting a marriage must never come at the cost of a woman’s life.
It is time to change the narrative. A woman who leaves an abusive marriage is not a failure; she is a survivor, and she deserves to be embraced, not ostracised.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Legit.ng.
Lady Jane Kalu Ndukwe is a mentor, educator, and advocate for respect and true humanity with nearly two decades of experience in teaching, administration, and mentorship. She is the Founder of Genuine Womanhood Initiative Pathway to Nation Building and Lead Consultant at Lady Jane Respects Services. She is also a published author promoting personal growth, emotional intelligence, and inclusive workplace cultures. Through programmes like the Respect Revolution Mentorship, Raising Exemplary African Ladies (REAL), and Unlocking the Real You, she champions empathy, self-discovery, and leadership.
Source: Legit.ng
