150+ stupid jokes and puns that will make your day brighter
Do you ever wonder why stupid jokes are so popular? This is because they are so terrible that you cannot help but laugh. In some way, the joke's awfulness becomes so much that it simply translates to laughter.
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When every self-respecting part of your brain rejects the cringe jokes, resist holding yourself back and enjoy. Check out some of the most popular stupid jokes that are funny.
Stupid jokes for adults
Are you looking for a stupid joke of the day to crack for your friends? These stupid funny jokes below will undoubtedly make them laugh.
- Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
- What did the right eye say to the left eye? Honestly, between you and me, something smells.
- To be frank, I would have to change my name.
- What is the best thing about Switzerland? I do not know, but its flag is a big plus!
- The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
- I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
- A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
- Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it is pointless!
- What do you call a broken can opener? A can't opener.
- The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That is for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
- I like to spend every day as if it is my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
- What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works?
- Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he could not see that well!
- A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
- What is blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
- You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
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Dumb and best jokes to make a woman laugh
Get ready to roll your eyes, scoff, and eventually burst into laughter. Below are some jokes to make her laugh that you will definitely like.
- What do you call a little psychic person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
- Just because you cannot dance does not mean you should not dance- alcohol to people.
- My best friend always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator. I guess we are raised differently.
- What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
- If con is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress?
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.
- My wife keeps telling me that I am the cheapest person she has ever met in her life. I am not buying it.
- Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
- What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.
- Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
- Ladies, if he cannot appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
- I am thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it is only holding me back.
- There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you are getting a double-cheek kiss.
- Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they could spend years at C.
- I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So, he went out and bought a present for my mother.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- Why did the woman go on a date with the mushroom? Because he was a fun-ghi.
- My wife thinks I do not respect her privacy enough. At least, that is what it says in her diary.
- Do not worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out.
- I told my doctor that I had broken my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Lame jokes that will make your day
Telling jokes or reading jokes on a sad or busy day will get you back in the mood. Check out some funny stupid jokes that are just good for you. Let loose and have a good laugh today!
- What is the terrifying word in nuclear physics? "Oops!"
- Why are chemists great at solving problems? Because they have all of the solutions!
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I am still working on it.
- Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged!
- I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
- What kind of tea is the hardest to swallow? Reality.
- What is the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
- The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
- I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college, working for my parents as their daughter.
- Why are there fences in cemeteries? Because everyone is always dying to get in.
- What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
- Why did the doughnut go to the dentist? To get a filling.
- I would tell you a joke about perforated paper, but it is tear-able.
- Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
- What did one wall say to the other? Meet me at the corner!
- Why don't scientists trust Atoms? They make up everything.
- My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
- Why are groups of fish so smart? Because they travel in schools.
- I have many jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, none of them works.
- Why did the toilet paper roll downhill? To get to the bottom.
The best stupid dad jokes and puns
Dads are good at many things, from helping you around to teaching you many worldly things. Consider sharing any of these dumb jokes that are funny with your dad.
- The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It does not make any cents!
- My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
- Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
- Were you there when the TV repairman got married? The reception was excellent.
- I am only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I do not know Y.
- What does a spy do when he gets cold? He goes undercover.
- Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, 'What is your favourite kind of music?' The other says, 'I am a big metal fan.'
- Why does lightning shock people? Because it does not know how to conduct itself.
- 6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
- How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psychopath.
- I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- Why did the little boy sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
- A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucans play that game.
- I cannot believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. It turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
- She thought she would dye when she saw her first strands of grey.
- What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea.
Stupid jokes for kids
What could possibly be sweeter than the sound of a child's laughter? If you want to make a nEW kid best friend, here are some jokes that will make you win the little one's heart.
- What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I will go ahead.
- Why can't a leopard hide? Because he is always spotted!
- How do you talk to giants? Using big words!
- How do mountains stay warm in winter? Snowcaps.
- What time should you go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.
- What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
- Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all its problems.
- What is a witch's favourite subject in school? Spelling!
- What did one firefly say to the other? You glow, girl!
- Why is Santa always so happy? He likes to live in the present!
- What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
- Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she is always running away from the ball.
- What is a robot's favourite snack? Computer chips.
- What are the two things you cannot have for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
- What is orange and sounds like a parrot. A carrot.
- Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
- What do you call an old snowman? Water.
- What did one penny say to another penny? We make cents.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
- Why did the clock go to the principal's office? For tocking too much.
Stupidest jokes that will make your friends chuckle
Here are some jokes you can share with your loved ones and watch them cringe.
- Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
- Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- What did the zebra say the first time he saw a piano? Dad?
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I do not know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
- Why don't they play p*ker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- Why are colds bad criminals? Because they are easy to catch.
- I do not trust stairs. They are always up to something.
- What is the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? Attire!
- What do you call a man who cannot stand? Neil.
- I want a job cleaning mirrors. It is something I can really see myself doing.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!
- My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my stuff and right.
- What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick!
- What do you call a factory that generally sells decent goods? A satisfactory.
- What did the teacher do with the student's report on cheese? She grated it.
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like you are nuts.
- How do you organize a space-themed party? You planet.
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
- I had a neck brace fitted years ago, and I have never looked back ever since.
Hilarious Christmas jokes
Here are a few Christmas dumbest jokes to brighten up your Christmas mood, as well as that of your loved ones.
- Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
- What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just cannot beat it!
- In what year does New Year's come before Christmas? Every year!
- What is a vegan's favourite Christmas carol? Soy to the World!
- Why does Santa have three gardens? So that he can ho-ho-ho.
- Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
- What did the stamp say on the Christmas card? Stick with me, and we'll go places!
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
- What does Santa eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
- What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.
- How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work, and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
- What do Christmas trees get when they go numb? Pines and needles!
- How do Christmas trees get ready for a party? They spruce up!
- How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
- What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? He got 12 months.
- What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!
- How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus' weight when he was born? They had a weigh-in a manger!
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
- Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants? Elephanta Claus.
Stupid jokes to tell a girl
Which are the best stupid puns today? Worry no more, as this is a compilation of nothing but the best dumb jokes you can share.
- Women already have 3-5 days of losing blood every month. Can't mosquitoes be considerate and focus only on men.
- You can't date a guy who lives with his parents, but you can date a guy who lives with his wife. Heaven is far from you, my sister.
- Abeg, which part of Nigeria is my fatherland? I'm broke and want to sell my own portion.
- My sister, before you hand over your breast to any Nigerian man, first check how he drinks pure water.
- Forehead kisses are how Nigerian men absorb all the sense from your brains. Stay awake, my sisters.
- No Nigerian girl cheats better than those living with their grandmother. Guys beware.
- When a Naija girl asks you for N50,000, and you give her N100,000 instead. She will say: "Thanks baby but don't forget the N50,000 I asked you."
- Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends an angel has touched me?
- I'm not a prophet, but I can see you and me together.
- I thought happiness starts with the letter H; why does mine start with U.
- You must be an interior decorator because the room was suddenly beautiful and perfect when you walked in!
- I think you might have something in your eye. Oh, hold on, that's just a twinkle.
- If a Naija guy tells you he is not like other men. My sister ask him if he can give birth. Nonsense boys!
- Ladies being single ends at 25. You can't be 26+, and you are talking about being single. You are not single but unmarried.
- Okay, ladies, it's not always because you're attractive that a guy is staring at you. Maybe your makeup doesn't match your neck.
- Remove the four fingers at the back of your phone and see magic.
- Women are like roads; the more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.
- Which of these is manageable: marrying a stingy man or marrying a womanizer? Oya, our ladies come and answer oo.
- There is a woman behind every successful man. Do you know why? Because women don't follow unsuccessful men.
- I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
- Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
- They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
Reading or telling stupid jokes are some of the best ways to create laughter. You now know what to do whenever you feel like you or your loved ones need a good laugh.
READ ALSO: 70+ good guess what jokes and funny comebacks for adults
Legit.ng recently published an article on good guess what jokes and funny comebacks for adults to share. Adult jokes are a terrific way to convert a bad situation into a good one. Guess what jokes will make you roll your eyes. They will make you laugh so hard.
Have a list of good guess what jokes and amusing comebacks ready the next time you are hanging out with your buddies, and let everyone have a nice time.