Relationships are an almost inevitable part of life. They include friendships, romantic relationships, acquaintanceships, and blood relationships, among others. Once in a while, a relationship goes awry, and all you can think of is forgetting the other person and never seeing them again. What are the essential steps in learning how to stop thinking about someone?
Why can't I stop thinking about him? It can often take a while to get someone out of your mind. This is partly because people do not find effective things to replace the thoughts of a person they want to forget. Here are some fascinating tips on how to stop thinking about someone.
How to stop thinking about someone you miss
Are you wondering how to get someone off your mind? Here are some useful tips.
1. Quit going back to the special places
When we are close to someone, be it a romantic relationship or friendship, we create special memories with them. If we ever part ways with such a person, it is easy to keep on revisiting those memories.
Every travel destination, club, or restaurant that we visited with the person comes back to haunt us. Regardless of the reason why two people part ways, there is always an impulse to go back to special times.
It is easy to forget that the memories are way better than the current reality and that might lead one back to an unwanted relationship. After parting ways with someone, keep off the special places you used to visit with them.
2. Do away with all souvenirs
It can be challenging to figure out how to get over someone when you have things that remind you of them. You might have pictures, letters, and other items that were given to you by the person you cannot forget.
Bringing yourself to put the stuff away, no matter how hard it is to do so, is a positive step in the right direction. If reminders of the person surround you, how can you be expected to forget?
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The best thing to do is throw, donate, or burn everything. If you cannot bring yourself to do so, you can put all the items in a nondescript box and stow it in the far recesses of your closet.
However, keep in mind that having these items around could tempt you to peek inside from time to time, which can set you back in your efforts to forget.
Get rid of digital souvenirs as well. These include emails, text messages, photos, and videos. Anything that has the power to make you feel emotional about the person should be removed.
You might also want to unfriend the person on all social media platforms and delete their contact information from your phone too. This is undoubtedly one of the most critical steps in learning how to forget about someone.
3. Do not forget the person’s flaws
It is easy for time to erase a person’s flaws from our minds. After a breakup, for example, you can easily forget the fights you had with your ex and instead focus on what made them so amazing. Your mind tricks you into remembering the evening walks, the cuddling, their beautiful skin, and so on.
When this happens, you begin to gradually forget the flaws and the reasons that brought the relationship to an end. You might then begin to feel like you will never experience happiness again if the person you parted ways with is not in your life.
How do you train your mind to stop thinking about someone? You need to stop seeing that person as the only possible source of your happiness. Write down all the reasons why the relationship ended and be completely honest with yourself.
The reasons do not necessarily have to be negative things about the other person. Sometimes friendships and relationships end for reasons such as different life goals, miscommunication, or simple incompatibility.
4. Learn the art of being in the moment
You have probably heard someone say ‘I can't stop thinking about him.’ When a person’s thoughts are constantly turning toward what might have been, it is hard to pay attention to what is happening right now.
When you notice what is happening around you and engage with the present, there is no room in your mind for past memories and worries.
The practice of focusing on the present moment is called mindfulness, and it can really help in figuring out how to stop obsessing over someone. There are a few things you can try when your thoughts will not stop swirling with memories of the person you want to forget.
Notice where you are sitting or standing and pay attention to how your body feels. Be attuned to your immediate surroundings and turn your thoughts to what is happening right now; your feet walking across the pavement, the breeze on your cheek, a person’s laughter skipping across the wind.
Refocus each time a memory threatens to consume you. Learn how to say things out loud. Making a sound will quickly reorient your thoughts to the present. Say something like ‘I am in the moment’ or ‘this is the present.’
It may sound strange, but speaking will help you get control of your thoughts.
5. Become self-confident about your abilities
If the memory of the person you are trying to forget has been haunting you for a while now, you may think you’ll never get past it. It is said that ‘time heals all wounds.’ With time, the heartache from your past relationship will fade away.
Believing is the first step in learning how to forget someone. It is not going to happen overnight, but you will eventually move on. You cannot completely erase someone from your mind, but you can definitely get rid of their hold on your emotions.
One of the rules of every relationship is to never be clingy. You have to learn to let go, hard as that may be. Letting go is actually the most crucial and the most difficult phase of every relationship. There are often too many memories, and forgetting them feels impossible.
After investing so much time, money, and effort to make the relationship work, it can be quite difficult to let go and forget the other person. However, you ought to respect and value yourself more than anyone, and being clingy indicates that your self-value is way below the line.
Take the first step by believing that with time, you will forget the person. This self-confidence will help you take further steps towards letting go of the person fully.
6. Seek new experiences and distractions
‘I can't stop thinking about her’. This is probably one of the most common sentiments among guys who have experienced breakups. When things get really overwhelming, it is okay to lose yourself in distractions from time to time.
Distractions can be good because they give your mind a break and help you remember that it is possible to think about things aside from your main worry.
Reading books and magazines, watching movies and television shows, and playing video games are all distractions that can help you forget someone. Try to consume media with content that does not remind you of the person you want to forget.
Keep in mind that losing yourself to distractions should be different from having an escapist lifestyle. It is important to make sure you do not end up captive to the activities you choose as momentary distractions.
Similarly, do not turn to alcohol or other drugs to distract yourself. People are more prone to forming addictions when they use substance abuse as a way to escape negative feelings.
Focus on creating amazing new experiences. There is no better way to forget someone than to make some new memories. It is common for people who just went through a divorce, a breakup, or some other type of loss to spend time travelling and experimenting with new things.
Embracing the new can really help clear out your past and refocus your mind. Here are some of the things that can help you create new memories.
- Act like a tourist in your town and visit landmarks you have never been to
- Eat at new restaurants
- Explore local parks and nature sanctuaries
- Go out more often
- Go somewhere you have never been, even if it is just a few towns away
- Go to festivals and fairs
- Go to museums
- Listen to new music
- Take a class
- Try out a new hobby
Meeting new people can also be an amazing way to distract yourself from bad memories. Try and fill your life with inspiring, positive, and vibrant people. Keep in mind that your aim is creating new friendships and not romantic attachments, especially before your mind has healed.
New friendships will fill your life with plans, possibilities, and a new perspective to life and you will slowly begin to forget whoever you want to.
7. Be optimistic that things will be great again
The thought that the best time of your life has already passed can be crippling. If the person you are obsessing about represents what you consider your golden years, you may have a hard time letting go.
If this happens, take time to turn your thoughts to the present and future, and realize that you have plenty to look forward to.
If you are missing someone you loved, you will eventually get to the point where you can enjoy the memories and the relationship for what it was, and the part it played in the story of your life.
Take an interest in the world around you. Instead of being in your own head all the time, look outward and engage. Keep in mind that learning to focus on matters other than your own issues is a skill that takes practice.
Even if it does not come easily at first, fake it. Eventually, you will realize that your present and future are way better than your past. Find out what is going on in your community. Get involved in local politics and have an opinion on issues that affect you and the people around you.
Learn to listen when you are talking to people. Think about where they are coming from instead of worrying about yourself. These steps will help you have faith that eventually, your life will be as good as it once was, if not better.
8. Find a way to get closure
Have you ever found yourself engaging in imaginary conversations with someone you let go? It often seems like you may never forget them and you feel like you can make things different if you got the chance to tell them one more thing.
Having an unresolved issue with someone makes it harder to forget them. It is very difficult to force out the feeling of having unfinished business with someone. When this happens, it is a good idea to seek closure.
If there is a secret you kept from the person and you cannot shake it off, consider writing it down in a letter or an email and sending it to the person. Do not be tempted to call the person directly since this might rekindle a connection through communication.
If you cannot bring yourself to send the person a letter or an email, write your thoughts down as if you were talking to the person they are intended for. If you ever feel it is appropriate to renew contact with the person, then you can consider personal conversation as a means of getting closure.
Forgiveness is key
Forgiveness is one of the most important steps toward getting closure. It is natural for the brain to try and make sense of everything. This is why people often feel like they can make things right if they got one more chance.
Going over things that happened in the past will only drain you mentally and not help you get over the person you are trying to forget. If someone’s wrong behavior made you part ways with them, forgive and forget them.
Forgiveness helps one detox themselves from their past. It is the ultimate form of self-care. While it does not justify the actions of someone who wronged you, it helps you get over them.
After forgiving the other person, forgive yourself for everything you think you did that brought you this heartbreak. Once that happens, you begin a new phase free of self-blame and feelings of guilt.
9. Embrace change
Changing your environment, lifestyle, and decisions can go a long way in helping you forget someone. Here are some of the steps you can take.
- If you are still living in the same place you shared with the person you are trying to forget, it can be hard to escape the memories. Changing things up is a big help.
- Even if moving is not feasible, there is a lot you can do to freshen up your environment. This includes rearranging furniture, getting new items such as lamps and pillows, or even painting the walls in different colors.
- Take a different route to work instead of the same old one you have always taken.
- Give yourself a complete makeover. Changing a few things about your body can also give you a new lease on life. The goal is not to become a whole new person, but to make a few changes that will help you feel like you’re entering a new stage. You can try changing your hairstyle, buying new clothes, or wearing a different perfume.
10. Embrace mindfulness
You simply cannot go back and change things, no matter how much you want to. As painful as it is to realize that, reminding yourself often can help you forget. Have a plan for getting back to the real world when memories of the person threaten to ruin your day.
Grounding yourself in the present will help your mind and body remember that what you do now is what matters, not what you did in the past.
A good example of grounding yourself is talking to a friend. Give someone a call and have a good, long conversation about subjects that have nothing to do with the person you want to forget.
You can also ground yourself by doing something physical. Go for a walk, run, or swim. Take your dog for a walk or enrol in a yoga class. Physical exercises have an amazing effect on your mind.
You can also find ways to stimulate your senses. Cook a delicious meal or take a long bath with a glass of wine. Go to a live concert or a soccer game or pretty much anything that stimulates all of your senses.
The above tips on how to stop thinking about someone you love deeply will undoubtedly be of use in your journey towards letting go and healing. When you finally get over someone, the future begins to look more promising, and the allure of the past starts to fade.