Why Are Divorces Rising in Nigeria? Unpacking the Hidden Cracks in Modern Marriages
Editor’s note: In this piece, Lady Jane Kalu Ndukwe looks at why many Nigerian marriages are struggling today. The mentor and educator shares simple truths about love, respect, and honesty that couples often overlook.
Divorce is no longer a rare occurrence in Nigeria. Today, it can happen at any stage of a marriage, early on, when couples are still finding their footing, or much later, even after raising children to adulthood. The rising numbers raise urgent questions.
Statistics on divorce and separation in Nigeria remain poorly documented. This is largely because of Nigeria’s multiple marriage systems, statutory, customary, and Islamic, and the fact that many marital dissolutions happen outside statutory courts. The National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) typically reports only on statutory divorces, leaving out the vast number of customary and religious separations and divorces.
The 2018 Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey (NDHS) shows that about 3–6% of women aged 15–49 were currently divorced or separated, depending on the region. This is a relatively small but significant share, given the stigma and under-reporting that often surrounds marital breakdown.
In contrast, a pooled-data study drawing on national surveys found that the proportion of ever-married women who had ever experienced either divorce or separation rose sharply between 2008 and 2018, from about 17% to over 60%. Researchers link this to factors such as lack of education, poverty, and experiences of physical or sexual violence.
While exact national figures remain elusive, the evidence suggests that marital dissolution is becoming more common, especially among women, and that social and economic pressures are major drivers.
What is really happening inside modern marriages? What hidden cracks are pulling once-promising unions apart?
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Why do relationships that begin with so much love and expectation unravel over time? And what are the deeper issues eroding the very foundation of our marriages? Let’s look closer.
The foundation: How did it begin?
Every lasting marriage rests on its foundation. Was the union truly born out of love, or were there hidden agendas from the start? For some, marriage becomes a way to either secure economic or political ambitions, strengthen family ties and connections, or escape family and societal pressures. When the motives are not rooted in love and mutual respect, cracks eventually appear.
Truth or pretense?
Honesty is the bedrock of any relationship. Were the couple honest about their feelings, dreams, and weaknesses at the beginning? Or did one person conceal the truth to appear more desirable? Lies may cover the surface for a while, but eventually, they unravel, and with them, the marriage.
What do we think marriage is?
Our concept of marriage shapes how we live in it. Today, many couples enter with unrealistic expectations. Some see marriage as endless fun, like a movie where responsibility barely exists. Others expect the man to provide everything while the woman enjoys a “soft life,” and when hardship strikes, she checks out. Some men latch onto wealthy women out of dependency, seeing marriage as a ticket to comfort rather than a covenant of partnership. Without shared values and responsibility, love soon turns to resentment.
What did we learn from our parents?
Family plays a powerful role in shaping our perception of marriage. Couples who grew up watching unhappy, unhealthy relationships may unconsciously repeat those patterns. The example we see at home often becomes the template we carry into our own unions.
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When respect is missing
“Living with someone you do not respect reduces the relationship to a façade.” Tolerance without genuine care eventually leads to an explosion. Walking away at the slightest provocation reveals that love may never have been the true reason for the union. And what we run from without addressing, life has a way of presenting to us again, just in a different form.
What true love really means
For me, marriage thrives on three essential pillars: respect, truthfulness, and authenticity. “Respect, truthfulness, and authenticity are the three pillars of every lasting marriage.” When you are true to yourself, you attract the right partner. When you are honest, your partner can decide whether to connect with the real you. When you care deeply, you will never deliberately hurt or shame your partner. True love is not grand words; it is purity of thought and action.
“True love cannot exist without purity, purity of thought and action.”
It is choosing not to cheat, not to lie, and not to harm the one you claim to love. It is respecting their dignity, supporting their growth, and walking side by side on life’s journey.
The rising rate of divorce in Nigeria is not just a social trend; it is a wake-up call. We must ask ourselves hard questions about why we marry, how we love, and what we expect from one another. Only then can we rebuild marriages that last.
Tips for stronger relationships
Be honest from day one; don’t start with lies or exaggerations, because transparency about who you are sets the right foundation. Also redefine “love,” for it isn’t just romance or financial security, but respect, support, and a commitment to grow together. Share responsibilities, since partnership is key, and marriage fails when one person carries all the weight while the other only benefits.
There is a need to respect each other’s humanity and see your spouse as a person first, not just a provider or caregiver, for respect prevents contempt from creeping in. Learn from, but don’t repeat, the past; if you grew up seeing broken or unhappy marriages, be intentional about breaking the cycle.
It is important to resolve conflicts rather than run away, because running away from problems only delays the lesson, while addressing issues with empathy and honesty strengthens the bond. Above all, keep purity at the center, for purity in thought, word, and action is the truest form of love, while cheating, lies, and shame have no place in it.
Strong marriages are not built overnight; they are cultivated daily through respect, truthfulness, and authenticity.
Lady Jane Kalu Ndukwe, founder of Genuine Womanhood Initiative and Lead Consultant at Lady Jane Respects Services, is an educator, mentor, and author advancing respect, emotional intelligence, and inclusive leadership across Africa.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Legit.ng.
Source: Legit.ng
