How to talk to women online and in real life: helpful tips

How to talk to women online and in real life: helpful tips

Starting a conversation with a beautiful lady can be intimidating for some guys. However, that is not a good excuse to miss the opportunity of connecting with the lady of your dreams. Learning how to talk to women is not difficult at all, and all it takes is the right mindset and confidence. Dr. Sam Ayila, a marriage counselor, relationship coach, and sex therapist, provides guidance on transitioning from online conversations to an in-person meeting.

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It is indisputable that effective communication is required for one to succeed both in their career and interpersonal relationships. With practice and confidence, you can master how to speak to women both online and offline. With the tips below, any shy man can learn how to talk to women.

Helpful tips on how to talk to women online and in real life

We often hear the phrase "men are from Mars, and ladies are from Venus," right? Talking to women is difficult for some guys because they believe that the two sexes are too different from each other.

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When learning how to talk to a woman, it is necessary to bear in mind that not all ladies are the same. Every individual female has their likes, dislikes, loves, hates, hopes, and dreams, as you will learn in your interactions with different people.

Although this may sound even more intimidating, there are helpful tips that will guide you on how to get women's attention and to keep them interested in the conversation.

How to talk to women online

Today, there are numerous online platforms that allow you to meet and interact with girls of all ages. Learning how to talk to women on Tinder, Zoosk, or any other online platform can be intimidating at first for most guys.

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When you follow the steps below, you will become confident enough to strike up online conversations with any lady you like;

1. Choosing the online platform

To talk to women online, it is necessary to choose a platform for your communication. It can be a dating site like Tinder or even a social media site like Facebook.

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2. Make your online profile presentable

People will scrutinize your profile, so it is necessary to ensure that you present yourself in a good way that shows you in your best light. Avoid bad or disrespectful language, delete any disrespectful pictures, and use a display picture that represents your personality.

3. Always start with greetings

How do you start a conversation with a girl? Greetings make a great conversation opener.

While "Hey," "Hi," and "Hello" are overused, they still work well. If you can, choose a unique greeting, for example, "How are you today?"

4. Move with the flow of the conversation

You now know how to speak with ladies, so chat away and remember to have fun.

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Helpful tips on how to talk to women online

Although the above steps on how to start a conversation with a woman online seem to be as easy as ABC, it may still be challenging for shy guys to communicate with ladies online. For this reason, it is essential to apply the following helpful tips as you chat with her;

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1. Ask her open-ended questions

Are you wondering how to keep her interested in the conversation? Well, avoid "yes or no" questions and use open-ended ones instead. This will help find your shared interests so that the conversation can continue.

Example: Instead of asking her whether she likes sports, a more open-ended question would be asking her the kind of outdoor activities that she enjoys.

2. Send her a message at a time

Whether you are interested in how to talk to an older woman or a younger one, it is critical to avoid looking like a spammer by sending her one message at a time. Limiting your responses to each of the messages she sends you is a proper way of encouraging the conversation to move forward.

3. Tease and flirt with her just a little

It is always great to tease her a little by complimenting her personality or something that she mentions in the chat. Have a little fun talking to her, and bring out your humorous side.

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NB: Avoid complimenting her physical appearance at this point. Although telling her that she looks sexy or hot is tempting, it makes you look like you are only interested in her looks.

Generally, ladies are more flattered when they are complimented about their intelligence, kindness, or the worth of their personality than their physical appearance.

4. Keep the conversation focused on her

Are you wondering how to make her feel special with words? Well, she will feel valued if you do not dominate the chat, and you allow her to be the center of the show.

To do this, you should find common interests that you can both chat about, and allow room for sharing personal experiences. Show her that you are interested in the things she loves and enjoys.

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5. Act graciously and leave her desiring more

Express your gratitude for having the chance to talk with her. Additionally, let her know that you would like to converse with her again. You can even ask for her email address or give her yours so that the conversation can go on.

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6. Comment and like her social media posts

By commenting on her social media updates and pictures, you will make her think more about you. She will know that you are keeping up with what she is doing on these platforms.

NB: Be careful not to overdo this. You do not want her to think that you are stalking her.

7. Be patient when waiting for replies

It is crucial to bear in mind that she has a life outside online platforms, so do not expect instant responses to each of your messages. She may take some time to reply, but allow her to respond before sending her multiple messages.

8. Use emojis sparingly

Let her use the emojis first, and when you use them too, limit them to one per message.

9. Be friendly

Be honest and sincere with yourself as you speak with her online. At the same time, be friendly and courteous. Females appreciate guys who are honest with both their past and present lives.

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10. Do not try to be too cool or cocky

Arrogance is a turnoff for most ladies. It is essential to use words such as sorry and probably which make you appear a little vulnerable. When you sound less threatening, you get a higher chance of making her your girlfriend in the future.

Most ladies do not like guys who try too hard to impress, so be easy on both her and yourself. Do not tell her about all your achievements in life, the car you drive, or even your new phone.

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11. Be positive and outgoing

No one likes a Debbie Downer. Generally, people are attracted to happiness.

12. Remain enthusiastic about knowing her more

Ask her questions that will make you know her a little better. However, leave the deep getting-to-know-you questions for when you finally meet in person. Be intentional with your questions so that she can feel interesting and wanted.

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13. Do not tell her you are new to the dating game

She does not care whether or not you are new to online dating, and neither should you ask her how long she has been in the online dating game. This is boring information that will not earn you any points.

14. Always be brief

Long messages are harder for her to reply to, so always keep it short and lovely.

15. Always use proper spelling and grammar

Having poor grammar and spelling will not create a good impression of you. Wrongly spelled words and bad grammar make you look unintelligent and childish.

16. Remember to have fun

Your conversations should not look like an interrogation or an interview. Be an amusing and light-hearted guy. After all, dating is supposed to be a lot of fun.

17. Ask her out

Now that you know how to conversate with a woman, it is your duty to keep the chat alive. If you are still interested in her after chatting for a while, you can ask her out on a date.

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You will intrinsically know when you are ready to meet her in person. It will feel right after talking with her for some time.

When you finally schedule a date, make sure that you have concrete plans and that both of you are on the same page about it. Do this by getting her to commit, finding a day, and suggesting a plan, for example, getting drinks at a particular bar.

In a discussion with Dr. Sam Ayila, a marriage counselor, relationship coach, and sex therapist, he offers tips on initiating and sustaining conversations with a lady online. These include:

  • Always remember that communication goes beyond words. So unless you see the other person face to face, you must be very careful about what you say by voice or text. You won't be able to observe the non-verbal communicative gestures expressed by the other person at the receiving end.
  • If it is in texts, please make sure you read at least twice before posting.
  • Be careful with emojis because you may need to learn how receptive they are, or how they may get to the other person at the receiving end.
  • Avoid copying and pasting messaging (intended for your words) of what you read online because you can't tell what the other person has seen or read before you.
  • Keep a good memory of what you text online because where your words can be forgotten (except recorded), your comments in the text will be saved for reference.
  • Be careful to observe that the people you chat with on social media are not all using their original pictures as DP (display photo), so you will be satisfied when you see the natural person afterward.

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How to express your interest

Dr. Sam provided guidance on how guys can express their interests respectfully, creating an atmosphere that makes the lady they are chatting with feel valued and comfortable in their conversations. He mentioned:

  1. It would help if you genuinely complimented her to buy her confidence first.
  2. Seek to make her receive your love first even if, at that time, she is not committed to giving back reprocity.
  3. Your words must be filled with assurances of protection and astute devotion and commitment to her.
  4. Try not to over-promise anything; just be honest.

How to talk to a beautiful woman in real life

Once you have spoken to her online and you are ready to meet her in person, be sure to bring out your best side during the first date. Use the following tips to keep her interested in you during the date.

If you are wondering about how to talk to a woman you just met in person, the same tips given below will assist you;

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1. Compliment her

How can I be interesting to women? Complimenting her is one of the best ways to catch her attention and to start an interesting conversation with the lady who stuns you. It may even be better than a "hi" or "hello."

A compliment will make you appear considerate, attentive, and kind. While complimenting a particular physical aspect of her body may work, it is always better to compliment something related to her personality instead.

Example: If you met her after a work-related presentation, compliment her public-speaking skills and confidence. If she has a book with her that you have read before, compliment her choice of literature. Take caution not to overdo the compliments.

2. Tell her a joke

How do you talk to a girl if you're shy? Sharing a joke is the best way of dealing with your anxiety as you talk to her for the first time. This breaks the ice and releases oxytocin, which is a hormone that helps you to bond with her, and it also lets her know that you have a great sense of humor.

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NB: Be very careful when telling your joke. Avoid jokes that are crass, vulgar, or even overtly political. These jokes may go well with your pals, but they will not make a good impression when you meet her for the first time.

3. Find some common ground

Identifying a common ground sets a solid foundation on which the conversation can be built. Use what you share in common with her as your springboard, and this will make it a lot easier to keep talking.

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4. Be attentive to details

Women often like guys who pay attention to small details. For this reason, take note of her unique clothing items and accessories.

For example, a shirt with a sports logo may indicate that she is a fan of a particular game or team, so ask her about it. Talking about such things will break the ice and create room for more personal conversations.

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She will also appreciate your attentiveness to her physical appearance.

5. Make eye contact

Not everyone can make eye contact when talking to other people. Even so, try to look her in the eye and not down, away, or her chest as she speaks to you.

A little effort will go a long way in letting her know that you are interested in what is saying, and it is also respectful.

6. Chat about pop culture

It is not unusual to struggle with conversations when you meet her for the first time, but you can deal with it by bringing up current pop culture-related topics. Chatting about popular music, recent blockbusters, or even reality shows relieves the tension.

NB: Do not talk about political shows or pop culture events that you dislike or those that are controversial.

7. Ask what she is passionate about

If you are an introvert or you are very shy, asking her what is passionate about will allow you to shift the focus towards her and relieve the pressure of having to talk too much.

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Tell her something you enjoy doing, then ask her to tell you what she enjoys doing in her free time instead of "what are you passionate about in life?"

8. Do not mansplain

It is important to be articulate, knowledgeable, and smart in life. However, talking too much or showing her how knowledgeable you are is a turnoff. Do not mansplain, that is, do not underestimate her intelligence by explaining what she already knows.

To avoid mansplaining, keep your comments brief and soften the impact of your words by asking her what her opinion is.

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9. Do not talk about your exes

Talking about your previous relationships is the best way to kill the conversation, especially on your first date. Most ladies will think that you are still interested in your ex and not them if you talk about previous relationships.

10. Do not be afraid of mundane topics

Talking about ordinary things such as the menu is a good way of starting a conversation that flows naturally.

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11. Look beyond the façade and see the real her

Behind the pretty clothes, accessories, and other material things, we are all unique individuals with our successes and failures. As you talk to her, try to see the real person she is and not the superficial things only.

12. Offer her feedback

It is essential to allow her some room to talk about herself. As she does, make sure you chip in with some feedback so that the conversation can go on.

This lets her know that you are interested in what she is chatting about. "Oh, I see," "Really?" and "That's pretty remarkable!" are some of the ways you can offer feedback.

13. Use baiting tactics

Baiting entails giving information that satisfies a question that has already been asked but in a way that leads to more questions. This will ensure that you do not prematurely exhaust the things you can chat about.

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14. Do not invade her personal space

Always respect the private space of the lady you are interested in. Getting too close when she is not ready is abusive and demeaning.

15. Be keen about your personal hygiene

Do not go on a date with stinky breath or uncombed hair. Look clean and presentable if you want to make a good first impression.

16. Choose gifts wisely

If you are meeting her for the first time, do not over-do gifts. Flowers, for example, are okay, but if you over-do it, she will be pressured to do something for you in return.

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17. Focus on being friends

You can never have too many good friends around you. Approach her with the intention of being friends, and if she recognizes that there is chemistry between the two of you, you can start dating her.

18. Always take the initiative

It is not unusual for the two of you to experience a lull in your conversation. When this happens, take the initiative of coming up with a new and exciting topic that you can explore.

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19. Silence is not always a bad thing

When silence strikes in the middle of the conversation, embrace it, even if it may be uncomfortable. Show her that you are comfortable with the silence, and this may create room for a more engaging topic to pop up.

When the lull hits, allow her a moment to breathe and to think about the next thing she may want to discuss, and so should you.

20. Make your intentions clear

Beating around the bush too much may make you lose her. When the two of you have already made acquaintance, be genuine enough to let her know what your intentions are.

21. Learn to recognize when she is not interested

Although you may be brilliant and wonderful, she may not be your type, or you may fail to be her type. If she makes it clear that she does not want to meet up again, respect her decision, and move on.

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Do not allow rejection to control you. Instead, allow yourself some time to process it. Eventually, you will find your match.

Dr. Sam outlined ways to transition to a face-to-face meeting while maintaining the rapport established during online discussions. He said:

Whatever conversation you start online based on a relationship, remember that it might lead to physical discussions, too. So you'll need to present yourself as you are; that will make it easy for you when it is time to meet.
Once you have already gotten very comfortable online, switching to face-to-face is no longer a big task. However, we must reduce our expectations of what we expect to see, bearing in that virtual looks sometimes differ from physical eyes. Other tips include:
  • Ensure that you propose a physical meeting place that is very comfortable for her.
  • Even here, too, you must ensure that your conversation online has reached that point where you are already discussing future plans before you can initiate a physical meeting.
  • The sincerity of purpose right from the beginning of the conversation online will help lighten the weight of a physical meeting.

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Are you wondering how to talk to women both online and in real life? With the tips and tricks above, you will have the confidence to strike a conversation with any lady you wish. Let us know which tips worked for you in the comments section.


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