Chris Ihidero Asks God About Missing Malaysian Plane

Chris Ihidero Asks God About Missing Malaysian Plane

Chris Ihidero writes about his appeal to God. He asks him about missing Malaysia Airlines plane which carried 239 passengers.

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Heaven. Early evening. Chris enters to find God seated under an agbalumo tree, about to have dinner. A plate of pounded yam and bitter-leaf soup sits comfortably before God. He washes His hands and prepares to start eating.

Chris approaches angrily.

CHRIS: What is this?

GOD: Christoritoto! My guy! Na your face be this?

CHRIS: What do you think you are doing, sir?

GOD: The last time I checked, it was called eating.

CHRIS: You’re eating? There’s a plane carrying 239 of your children missing and you can afford to eat?

GOD: Who told you the plane was missing?

CHRIS: It isn’t? Ah, thank God! I knew if everyone else failed me, you would not let me down. Do you know how far I have gone, asking for the whereabouts of this plane? Chai, I have suffered. In fact ehn, at a point I thought I was losing my mind.

GOD: Eeya, pele.

CHRIS: Thank you sir. So, where is the plane?

GOD: What? I didn’t say I knew where it was, just that it isn’t missing.

CHRIS: Please sir, don’t let me be angry with you. I am not in any mood for mind games today. Those people have been missing for a whole week now and do not deserve to have their issue treated with such disdain. For Christ’s sake there are 239 grieving families out there who need closure!

GOD: Stop calling the name of my son in vain. And stop raising your voice when you talk to me; have you forgotten where you are? Or you want me to call Angel Michael to come and descend on you?

CHRIS: I thought we agreed no to bring that area boy into our discussions again?

GOD: Then behave yourself.

CHRIS: Okay, I am sorry. So…erm…where is the plane?

GOD: I said I don’t know where it is.

CHRIS: Sir please, I am begging you in the name of all that is holy; please tell me the location of this plane so I can go and tell the 50 ships, 400 helicopters and fighter jets looking for it.

GOD: Sorry son, I can’t give information I don’t have. I don’t know where the plane is.


GOD: Well, I don’t know. And stop telling me I am God…I am that I am. If you guys can’t find a plane as big as that with all the knowledge I have given you, that’s your problem then. This idea of having me do what you can do is getting tiresome. If after all the technological advancements of the last decades you guys still can’t find a plane, tough luck.

CHRIS: But we have tried now. Do you know how many people are working on finding this plane? And on technological advancements, I have told Seyi Taylor and Segun Demuren that I don’t EVER want to hear about how coding will save the world and how children should eat nothing but coding for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

GOD: That’s you people’s problem.

CHRIS: So you are leaving this to us, abi? In our time of desperate need, I approach you on behalf of humanity and you’re speaking English and eating pounded yam and bitter-leaf? This is why I keep telling you that if the process of being God were democratic, you won’t win a re-election. Not even if you joined PDP.

GOD: If you do not shut you mouth now, I shall have Michael force feed you this food you have refused to let me eat in peace. And I don’t mean through the mouth.

CHRIS: Oh, you are resorting to terrorism now? SMH for you.

GOD: Be gone. Go meet your fellow mortals and find a way to find your plane. I have done my bit. At the appointed time, all will be revealed.

CHRIS: I hope that appointed time is soon o, because if it’s not and I have a reason to come back here and ask for the location of that plane, me and you we will enter the same trousers.

GOD: Are you threatening me? In my own house? (Calls out) Michael! Angel Michael!!

Angel Michael answers from afar.

CHRIS: Haba, our daddy! Is it because of this small matter that you are now calling that red-eyed blazing-sword wielding character? Someone cannot even play with you. (Pulls His beard playfully) Our daddy!

Angel Michael arrives, sword in hand.

Chris takes off.

CHRIS: (As he runs out) Let that appointed time come soon o, if not…


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