What is the no contact rule and how does it actually work?
The easiest way to move on from an ex is by cutting off all communication with them, even though this sounds way easier than it is. The no contact rule helps with healing from breakups and moving on, especially after a nasty breakup.
An ex is an ex for a reason, and there may be some irreconcilable differences that contributed to the relationship not working out.
However, it is hard to stop loving someone once they are out of the picture. Moreover, many people search for closure after breakups, which prompts them to reconnect with an old flame.
While restarting your relationship after some time apart might work out well if both parties are ready to act maturely and fix their mistakes, quite often people have to deal with the exact same problems they had the first time around.
Slipping into the same old ways is not productive or healthy for both parties, so many people use the no contact rule to move on.
Why is the no contact rule so effective? It is effective primarily because you let yourself have space from that person and all the memories connected with them, and you allow yourself to think clearly about what is best for you.
What is the no contact rule?
The no contact rule entails cutting off all communication with your ex once you break up. This means that you must not call them, text them, or reconnect in any way.
Some versions of this rule also include restraining yourself from thinking or talking about your relationship and breakup. Instead, you distract yourself with other things, such as picking up new hobbies or doing housework.
Many people are certain that the no contact rule is effective in healing from a breakup. Once you have moved on from obsessing over this person, you now have the chance to grow as a person and build healthier relationships in the future - whether it is with them or someone else.
Going no contact: How to do it?
The methods of cutting off communication with a former partner vary from person to person. You are the one who decides.
Generally, it depends on how much the breakup affected you. If your partner was toxic and abusive, it is usually best to cut off all possible contact and not give yourself the chance to slip and reconcile, even if you still have feelings for them.
The light version of getting out of touch with your ex is to just stop responding to their texts and hope that your communication dies out naturally. With time, both of you will heal and move on with your lives.
However, sometimes this is not enough - especially if you have that itch to reach out to them and go down that rabbit hole once again. There is also a chance that the person wants you back and will reach out to you when you want nothing to do with them - sometimes in a pushy and clingy way, too.
For these complex situations, there is a harsher version of the rule - blocking them on all social media, as well as all of their relatives and friends who they can use to reach you.
Obviously, such radical steps might hurt a lot at first, but if this person was not right for you, it will be a good decision in the long run.
How long should no contact last?
Usually, it should last from four to eight weeks. However, it depends on your personal situation and the relationship you had.
If you were suffering emotional or physical abuse from your partner, it is best not to get in touch with them whatsoever, and take safety measures if they still display intentions of reconnecting with you.
Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
Yes, it does, as the lack of communication will still help you deal with the pain of being dumped.
Imagine that your ex broke up with you. Most of the time, a person's first instinct would be to prove their ex wrong.
However, this will only backfire on you, since you may come off as annoying and pushy. They had their reasons for dumping you, and while you might want closure, you will not always get a justification for their decision.
If your ex made a mistake and still misses you deep inside, they might need some time to understand and come to terms with it. In case they do not want anything to do with you anymore, you should learn to respect their decision, even if it is painful for you.
After all, you do not want to be with someone who is not fully sure if they want you. Even if they eventually take you back, it might feel like a forced decision, and they may want to separate again after some time.
By breaking up with you, the person has basically asked you to give them some space. It might be temporary or permanent, but you invading that space would be a major turn-off.
Does no contact work if your ex is seeing someone else?
Many people ask, "Does the no contact rule work if he's already seeing someone else?". If you have found out that your ex is dating another person, reaching out to them and confronting them about it would be a mistake.
So, yes, the no contact rule applies here as well.
If you choose to break the no contact rule and communicate with them when they are trying out new options, you may come off as needy and desperate. However, if you stand your ground, there is a slight chance they will eventually understand what they lost.
Still, do not get your hopes up about reconnecting - it depends on the intensity of your breakup and whether you are truly important to them. If there is no future for this relationship, moving on would be the healthiest decision for both of you.
Is my ex thinking about me during no contact?
People are different, and there is no sure way to tell whether your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend misses you. It normally depends on how long the relationship was, and how deeply they felt for you.
There is a possibility that they are still thinking about you and want you back. At the same time, though, they may have moved on.
If you had a truly meaningful connection, they will not forget about you easily, and they probably also need some time to process the separation. Still, this does not mean that you should break the no contact rule.
Does the no contact rule work in general?
The question "does no contact work?" does not have a definite answer. It depends on your strong will and the effect the relationship had on you.
If you are disciplining yourself properly and not obsessing over your ex, e.g. by checking their social media pages every day and hoping for them to understand what they lost, then you may heal eventually.
However, you may easily find yourself breaking the no contact rule, and unless both of you have grown/learnt something from the breakup, then the conversations will be far from pleasant.
How do you tell if no contact is working?
There are some definite signs that show that you are on your way towards healing.
Of course, following the no contact rule is not that easy, and you might find yourself slipping, but there are a few things that might show how much you have grown since you first made the decision to cut off communication with your ex.
- You are not picturing your future with this person anymore.
- You are not overanalyzing signs that they want to get back together (e.g. subtle clues such as Facebook status changes).
- You feel like your past relationship does not define who you are as a person.
- You are focusing on self-improvement rather than thinking of how losing you might have affected them.
- You have recovered from the state of depression and are excited about what life has in store for you.
The no contact rule can help you to recover from a messy breakup. As you embark on the journey to moving on from your ex, stay strong!
READ ALSO: How to stop thinking about someone: 10 tips that actually work
As reported by Legit.ng, when a relationship ends, it can be tough to stop thinking about this person for a while. Shortly after a breakup, everything reminds you of your ex, and your mind always traces back to your times together.
However, it may be unhealthy to hold on to these memories for such a long time, and moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself. This is why you need to learn how to stop thinking about this person.