100+ best Chuck Norris' jokes, quotes and sayings about the legend

100+ best Chuck Norris' jokes, quotes and sayings about the legend

Chuck Norris is a well-known Hollywood actor who has won the hearts of many fans with his action stunts in a variety of films. He is also a martial arts master, film producer, screenwriter, and novelist. If you enjoy action movies, Chuck Norris' jokes are ideal for you.

Chuck Norris' jokes
Photo: Bob Leve (modified by author)
Source: Getty Images

Since 1969, Chuck Norris has appeared in several films, resulting in many Chuck Norris' jokes and memes. Some of his hilarious jokes that you can relate to are listed below.

Best Chuck Norris' jokes

Chuck Norris is, without a doubt, one of the best action movie stars of all time. Here are some of his most popular jokes on the internet about the legend.

  • When Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
  • Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris has a diary called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He pulls them down and walks on top of them.
  • Chuck Norris didn't cheat death; he won fairly and squarely.
  • Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.
  • Chuck bought a road roller. Think why? Simple, he had to iron the clothes.
  • Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of a train. In the desert.
  • If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  • Chuck Norris once went to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.
  • Chuck Norris' wife always immediately tells him why she's angry.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't get blisters when he rows. The Oar does.
  • Chuck Norris wears sunglasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
  • Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
  • Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart was lost.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
  • Chuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
  • Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.

Short Chuck Norris' sayings

best Chuck Norris' jokes
Photo: Albert L. Ortega (modified by author)
Source: Getty Images

As a well-known martial arts specialist, he has a black belt in Taekwondo, Karate, Judo, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and even has his fighting school, Chun Kuk Do. Have a good time with these sayings from Norris.

  • When Chuck Norris sings, his ears bleed.
  • Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart was lost.
  • My kind of trouble doesn't take vacations.
  • Chuck Norris can build a lego house out of lincoln logs.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Running from your fear is more painful than facing it.
  • Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
  • When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
  • I don't initiate violence; I retaliate.
  • Violence is my last option.
  • If I wanted your opinion, I'd beat it outta ya.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  • In a racing challenge, Chuck Norris defeated a cheetah.
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • Chuck Norris once made an onion cry.
  • When Chuck Norris slices onions, the onions cry.
  • Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
  • Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
  • Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
  • When Chuck Norris crosses the road, vehicles look both ways.

Long funny Chuck Norris' quotes

Chuck Norris' quotes
Photo: Sean Gardner (modified by author)
Source: Getty Images

While many people adore his films, others enjoy watching his character daily and seeing how he makes things happen. Here are some long Chuck Norris' quotes to brighten your day.

  • My whole goal in my film career is to project a positive image on the screen that I hope people will enjoy watching.
  • In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • I've got a bulletin for you, folks. I am no superman. I realize that now, but I didn't always.
  • As Chuck Norris was leaving for college, he took his father aside and told him: "Good luck, dad. You're the man of the family now.
  • Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful that the naked eye can see it from outer space.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • We either go one direction or left, which would be socialism. Or right, which would be people trying to make money themselves.
  • If the government decides to become a tyrannical government, our guns are to protect us against that.
  • People have a hard time believing that, but not having a father around and being shy, I just never participated in sports much.
  • The Apostle Paul did what he had to do to spread the message of God. I realize that that is what I have to do; I have to bite the bullet and overcome my shyness.
  • A lot of times, people look at the negative side of what they feel they can't do. I always look on the positive side of what I can do.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law and Order" are trademarked names.
  • Chuck Norris shot 57 terrorists with two shots. The first one was a warning shot.
  • Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Universe into existence. They called it The Big Bang.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar; his shirts are stimulated from touching his shoulders.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.

Hilarious Chuck Norris' jokes

Chuck Norris' sayings
Photo: Jon Kopaloff (modified by author)
Source: Getty Images

Do you spend time with friends or family? Then, relive your childhood memories of Chuck Norris with these hilarious jokes.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't play chess; he just stares down the opposing king till he lays down.
  • Chuck Norris plays ten moves, looks the opponent in the eyes, and the opponent resigns immediately.
  • Chuck Norris can survive without air. Air can't survive without Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris calls 911, it's to ask if everything is ok.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  • For some, the left t*sticle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each t*sticle is larger than the other one
  • Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercuts a horse.
  • Chuck Norris died a few years ago, but death lacks the confidence to tell him.
  • Chuck Norris charges his phone by rubbing it against the hair of his body.
  • When Chuck Norris was born, he bit off the umbilical cord himself.
  • Chuck Norris makes his pillow cry.
  • Scientists say our Universe is constantly expanding. It's actually running away from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  • Chuck Norris was able to smell a gas leak before they added the scent to gas.
  • Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon from a Landline.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
  • Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest. With a fish.
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
  • Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick b*tt at the same time.
  • When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

The newest Chuck Norris' jokes

newest Chuck Norris' jokes
Photo: CBS (modified by author)
Source: Getty Images

When the subject of Chuck comes up again, you can try to outdo your buddies with some of these best new jokes.

  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  • The world spins because Chuck Norris kicked it. The world will stop spinning when it gets kicked by.
  • Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
  • Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in no moves.
  • Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on; he turns the dark off.
  • Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris invented aeroplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
  • On the 7th day, God rested then Chuck Norris took over.
  • Forget Chuck Norris. Sponge Bob can grill underwater!
  • Chuck Norris bought one acre of land with wells at every corner. Ask why??, so that he can play carrom.
  • Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
  • The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
  • When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers would raise their hands to talk to him.
  • The dinosaurs once looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way; that is why we no longer have dinosaurs.
  • Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Aliens are real. They are just hiding from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. And wins.

Norris' impact carries on as a long-running internet joke, despite the fact that he hasn't acted in years. The above Chuck Norris' jokes are a lasting reminder of what an entertainment legend he is.

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