50 funny dark jokes and puns

50 funny dark jokes and puns

Dark jokes or dark humour is best used when dealing with subjects that are otherwise difficult to discuss. Sometimes it is a taboo to venture into certain matters in the community. However, most comedians have found a way of passing a message even when it is painful and dark using this unique kind of humour.

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If you are discussing a matter deemed abominable, consider doing so using dark humor. It takes a certain level of understanding to get dark jokes. Here are a few examples to consider.

Dark humor jokes

Do you consider yourself one of those people with a dark sense of humor? Have you ever found yourself stuck because of a subject that you cannot discuss probably because it is sensitive? If this sounds familiar, then consider using a few funny dark jokes that will communicate what you want to say without necessarily offending anyone. Here are a few examples to consider.

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  • I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
  • Orphans play baseball best because they have no idea where home is.
  • Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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  • The decision of not wanting our children has been a unanimous one as my wife and I concluded. All we need now are contact details of people that need us to do the drop.
  • A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
  • Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
  • One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
  • So I went to my friend's house and he asked me to be at home. So, in my usual style, I took matters into my own hands and had him thrown out. I do not like visitors after all.
  • My wife asked me the other day to pass her her lipstick but I passed her a glue stick. It happens that she has decided not to talk to me even now.
  • I knocked at my granny's house and she asked who I was. I did not know that Alzheimer's got the best of her.

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Dark humour

The reality of some of the darkest jokes in the world is that not everyone gets it. This is what makes these jokes intelligent and a preserve for a few. You have to be intelligent to get the joke. Here are a few more examples.

  1. A dark joke is like food, not many people get it.
  2. What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? The redneck spinster.
  3. What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
  4. I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.
  5. Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was black.
  6. As I do more laundry, nakedness seems more realistic.
  7. Girlhood is like a bubble, all it takes is one little idiot and it is gone.
  8. A man went into a library and asked for a book on killing yourself. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.”
  9. A Jew with a boner runs into a wall, what does he break? His nose.
  10. Well, it is true that humans eat more bananas than monkeys just as recent research suggests. I agree because I can’t remember when last I enjoyed eating a monkey.
  11. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
  12. Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
  13. The day could not have gotten any worse. My ex-girlfriend was run down by a bus and what followed was me losing my job as the bus driver.
  14. I never needed unstable relationships to teach me about broken relationship vices, my parents were perfect examples.
  15. Funny how a man gave up s*x, controlled substance, alcohol and expensive food just to be healthy. This only lasted up to the time he killed himself.
  16. You get yourself a rope when you enter into a relationship.
  17. I have thought about it long enough and my conclusion is that I have had enough of being an adult.
  18. It's always a mixed reaction; when I see a bird fly I get jealous when I see it fly into a window, I laugh my heart out.
  19. I got a new definition for a bunch of white guys seated on a bench, NBA.
  20. Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hilary Clinton? The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

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Dark humor quotes

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  1. “Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr
  2. "I hate to advocate controlled substances, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
  3. I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.'
  4. "When in doubt, blow something up." - J. Michael Straczynski.
  5. You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue. - Claude Chabrol.
  6. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. - Oscar Wilde.
  7. It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.
  8. "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." - Will Rogers.
  9. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin.
  10. "Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk." - Robert Bloch.

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Funny dark humour puns

  • The easiest way to know you are ugly is when you are handed the camera every time there is a group photo.
  • If you want to stop an argument between deaf people, be fast and switch off the lights. Case ended!
  • Its a bitter-sweet end for me as I won the bet after my friend drowned in the lake.
  • My boss farted in front of a Jewish client. "A little gas never killed anybody."
  • I got a second opinion after I asked my psychiatrist for it after he said I was crazy. He said I was ugly too.
  • Only the holocaust beats finding a worm in your apple.
  • Having a mind that is considered dirty makes conversations far more interesting.
  • You will learn that the only difference between a gun and a rope is the duration one takes to make a knot with either.
  • My drinking problem is that I cannot afford it.
  • Blow something up when you are in doubt.

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The best dark jokes are sometimes not the easiest to understand but they pass the message all the same.

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