Funny Nigerian quotes for Facebook

For many people, Facebook is a place to get the most recent news about the world and to have intelligent debates. At the same time, a lot of other people use Facebook to show off their sense of humour. That is why we have decided to compile a list of 20 funny Nigerian quotes that would make a great Facebook status. So whether you are looking for a funny short joke to use for your status or just want to read some Naija funny quotes, check this out!

Funny Nigerian jokes about relationships

If you need a funny joke about your partner or relationships in general, we have your back. Check out these jokes that might actually describe your relationship:

• That feeling when your bae calls you by your full name: Aanuoluwapo Botiwunoluwa Iteoluwakiisi Ayokunnumitetete Majekodunmi Okikiimole Jane Olusola.
• Oh hi Chima, the girl that refused to go out with mi during command in JSS1. I see you sending me those Candy Crush requests on Facebook. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
• Do not be too shy to get that airtime from your ex. Take it as your retirement benefit.
• It is getting harder and harder these days to bewitch Naija girls. Every time you take a lock of their hair to a local witch doctor, either a factory in China catches fire, or an innocent Brazilian woman goes mad.
• The person I am interested in: So what do you do for a living? Me: I turn oxygen into carbon dioxide.

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Funny Naija jokes about Nigeria and its people

If you cannot laugh at yourself, how would you be able to laugh at anyone else? For that reason, here are some Naija jokes that make light of Nigeria and some of its issues:

• This is how you can avoid traffic in Lagos:

1. Drive between 11 pm and 4 am;
2. Get yourself a helicopter;
3. Become a governor;
4. Be a witch;
5. Do not go to Lagos.

• Do you want to know why I no longer watch Nigerian movies? In the last movie I watched, a person had a heart attack while in the hospital, and the doctors screamed ‘Someone call an ambulance!’
• On April 1, my Igbo neighbour called me to say that my apartment was on fire. After I started losing my mind, he screamed ‘April Fools!’ And that is why we should divide Nigeria.

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• This is how to be a Nigerian parent:

1. Scream;
2. Blame everyone around you but yourself;
3. Never apologise to your children;
4. Scream;
5. Keep screaming.

• Nigerians are so superstitious. Taxis will refuse to stop for you just because you are wearing all black at night and carrying a cutlass.
• When a white man has created a smartphone so that you can video chat with your siblings, you call that technology. But when your grandma in the village uses her mirror to see you back in the city, you call that witchcraft. It is time we embrace our African products.
• One day, the trumpet will call everyone to face the Lord’s judgement. Only Nigerians will not hear it because of the generator sounds.

Naija funny quotes

Even though most Nigerian jokes focus on people in Nigeria and various relationships between them, there are also some jokes that even someone outside of Nigeria can relate to. Here are some jokes anyone can understand:

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• That feeling when an angel greets you by the heaven’s gate and uses your Facebook name Bhaddest Bih Ever Liveth AKA The Dopest Queen Of All Yaaasss Slay, and you understand that you should just turn around and go back to hell.
• Some relatives be like ‘Don’t you remember me? I was there when your mama gave birth to you!’ and you have nothing else to say but ‘Of course, aunty, long time no see!’
• A Slay Queen asks her plastic surgeon ‘How much for the plastic surgery if I bring my own plastic?’
• If someone claims that they know everything, ask them to recite the alphabet starting with the Z!

• I see that you have deleted the Bible app to make room for Snapchat. I hope you remember to download the filter that lowers the temperature in hell.
• Exam booklets should have a section where you can write everything you know but have not been asked. The teacher will at least know that you read something.
• Facebook should stop sending me reminders of other people’s birthdays. What am I, a cake factory?
• Brother, if you are 35 and you still say ‘When I grow up…’, what are you trying to grow? Horns?

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Those are all the jokes we have for you today. We hope you have been able to find your new Naija funny Facebook status! Have a nice day :)

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Source: Legit.ng